The Changing Same

Those of you that are familiar with Japanese R&B may recall the title of this post is from one of Ken Hirai’s albums. It seemed am appropriate moniker for what I’m about to discuss here.

As you know, I constantly talk about relationships and the dynamic between men and women. There comes a point in any relationship – committed or no – when something changes. Most of the time you are familiar with what that is. It could be falling in love, falling out of love, wanting to get married, or even have a baby. Something changes your desires or needs. Why do we females tend to not speak up and make these wants known? What holds us back, makes our breath catch in our throats?

Fear. So powerful an emotion that it can either help or hurt us.

I’ve been in this position many times, and often I waited until it was too late to say something. Women are inherently intuitive, almost psychic sometimes, but they don’t trust their first instincts. I’m guilty of this too.

However, men are quite simple when it comes to these matters and operate with little subterfuge. Whatever they don’t say is always for a specific reason.

Hence, the “changing same”: when things are different, but one doesn’t say or discuss that change. You continue on as normal, but really, in the background, things are different somehow. This syndrome is symptomatic of many a relationship. It can be a relationship killer for that matter.

Taking a risk on relationship means facing the possibility of rejection, of that dreaded “no”. It is also an opportunity for a “yes”. You simply don’t know. At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself and your feelings. Do you really believe in what you want, in that thing that has changed? Then stand by it and face the risk head on. Your self-worth does not hinge upon that answer, but if you don’t get it out into the open, you will eventually pop.

Don’t let things get to that point. Stay true to yourself and your heart.

Tags | change, relationship