Confessional
Thoughts on Infidelity
On 11, Feb 2011 | One Comment | In Confessional | By Mika
When I think of infidelity, I guess I consider myself lucky that it hasn’t often happened to me. For some of my exes, I suspected they were not on the level with me but I never had conclusive proof of the dirty deed. The only evidence that shows it face is emotional distance. It makes me wonder in truth how many of them were stringing other lovers on the side, then estranging themselves from our relationship. It could be many, one or none. I will never know. And, no it doesn’t matter in a past context… but it does for the present. How much trust am I willing to place in any man at this point in my life? The romantic in me demands I give trust in order to receive it, but it is not without some level of apprehension. In any of this, there is the possibility of emotional pain, but there is also joy to be had. I know there is. When you are lied to, deceived by someone in your closest of circles, it makes you think twice. Then my cynical and scorned bitch arrives with a vengeance.
How some women do it, I will never understand. I almost feel at this point in my life, if I found myself on the receiving end of infidelity, I would simply accept it for what it is and just leave. There would be no surprise because I know that’s how some men are. That’s how some women are, for that matter. And frankly, why should I waste my time?
If you’re not happy anymore and it’s not a situation where you are married or have kids involved, why make yourself crazy? Just GO. That’s just disrespectful. But if there are other factors, you’ve got to think twice, probably three times. I know plenty of women that are single moms, doing their best to deal with dads that are only part-time. Big reasons why they aren’t together has to do with infidelity.
Some say humans aren’t meant to live in monogamous relationships, that nature is strong enough to override our good sense of loyalty and responsibility. I can’t completely buy it; some are like that, self-professed in fact. Most don’t even realize it until (or if) they ponder why their string of relationships seems to end in them cheating.
So hence my apprehension in general. I wish I had a more positive note to end this confessional, but it is what it is. You just don’t know some people when it comes down to it…
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Speaking from experience, having been both cheater and cheated in, all i can say is I play it by ear. That is to say, I go into a new relationship with the idea that there is a possibility that cheating will occur, on either party’s part, and proceed thusly. If it doesn’t happen cool. Rare but cool. If it does, syouganai…
I think part of me clings to those judeo-christian values of yesteryear, but the rest of me believes that humans are not meant to have one partner for their entire lives, and that sex is for procreation, and that marriage is some hole sacrament or some such thing. Such stuff never made sense to me, and I have never seen it work out thus. Even the happily married people i know, i know for the fact that one or both have fooled around at one time or another.
Fidelity is not the question. Lies are the problem. Betrayal is the problem, the lack of courage of conviction on either party’s part to say “listen, I love you and I want to be with you but occasionally I like a little variety. I could tell you about if u want to know or I could do it on the down-low but I’m just letting you know that that’s who i am!”
Not to suggest I’ve ever been that guy but I’m just saying wouldn’t that be nice?
Nice post!
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