Complicated Relationships

Complicated Relationships

There are a lot of peo­ple in my life that are in rela­tion­ships that are so com­pli­cated that it just makes me won­der why… why do this to your­self? The default answer is typ­i­cally, “Well, I love them.” I’m sorry folks, but that answer sim­ply doesn’t cut it any­more; love is blind but it sure ain’t dumb. It’s one thing to be bliss­fully unaware that there are com­pli­ca­tions or prob­lems in a rela­tion­ship, but a com­pletely dif­fer­ent one to rec­og­nize the prob­lems — big ones — and merely flick it off your shoul­der like dan­druff. Hon­estly, what do you think is even­tu­ally going to hap­pen? Ignor­ing prob­lems do not make them go away. They will get big­ger to the point where it is unman­age­able and you can­not do a thing at that point. Why do we let things fes­ter? Well, there’s sev­eral rea­sons, ALL of which I’ve heard in the last month alone:

– “It’s not that big a deal.”: Yes, it is. Stop delud­ing your­self. Play­ing dumb about some­thing that clearly hurts you or your feel­ings and brush­ing it off is only going to keep the inkling of doubt growing.

– “He/she didn’t mean it.”: If they didn’t mean it, they wouldn’t have done it. Plain and simple.

– “That’s just how he/she is.”: And you’re OKAY with this? He’s got a hot tem­per, she’s just the jeal­ous type… leav­ing the toi­let seat up is a far cry from some­one with a tem­per or a jeal­ous nature. Those are things that are indica­tive of trust or self-esteem issues.

– “He/she is going through a rough time right now.”: We all go through rough times, and say or do some things that come out all wrong, but the big­ger per­son will come back and apol­o­gize for their behav­ior. Does this hap­pen? Nope. That is called mind­less behav­ior or reac­tionary behav­ior. When sit­u­a­tions are before you, the first reac­tion is what comes out. This is all based on your core beliefs, your core expe­ri­ences… things that are deeply entrenched in your being. You may give into it from time to time, but that is not the way to oper­ate in the world.

Look, I don’t pro­fess to be the guru of rela­tion­ships. Far from it. I’m guilty of hav­ing done every­thing I said above, but the fact that I rec­og­nize what those things are and do some­thing about it makes the pos­si­bil­ity of a non-complicated rela­tion­ship real. I sin­cerely believe it is pos­si­ble to have two peo­ple com­mu­ni­cate and inter­act with each other in such a way that min­i­mizes these things. Why have some­thing with all the drama and con­fu­sion and issues, when it can be straight­for­ward, sim­ple and honest?

Dunno about you, but I’ll take what’s behind cur­tain num­ber 2.

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