There are a lot of people in my life that are in relationships that are so complicated that it just makes me wonder why… why do this to yourself? The default answer is typically, “Well, I love them.” I’m sorry folks, but that answer simply doesn’t cut it anymore; love is blind but it sure ain’t dumb. It’s one thing to be blissfully unaware that there are complications or problems in a relationship, but a completely different one to recognize the problems — big ones — and merely flick it off your shoulder like dandruff. Honestly, what do you think is eventually going to happen? Ignoring problems do not make them go away. They will get bigger to the point where it is unmanageable and you cannot do a thing at that point. Why do we let things fester? Well, there’s several reasons, ALL of which I’ve heard in the last month alone:
– “It’s not that big a deal.”: Yes, it is. Stop deluding yourself. Playing dumb about something that clearly hurts you or your feelings and brushing it off is only going to keep the inkling of doubt growing.
– “He/she didn’t mean it.”: If they didn’t mean it, they wouldn’t have done it. Plain and simple.
– “That’s just how he/she is.”: And you’re OKAY with this? He’s got a hot temper, she’s just the jealous type… leaving the toilet seat up is a far cry from someone with a temper or a jealous nature. Those are things that are indicative of trust or self-esteem issues.
– “He/she is going through a rough time right now.”: We all go through rough times, and say or do some things that come out all wrong, but the bigger person will come back and apologize for their behavior. Does this happen? Nope. That is called mindless behavior or reactionary behavior. When situations are before you, the first reaction is what comes out. This is all based on your core beliefs, your core experiences… things that are deeply entrenched in your being. You may give into it from time to time, but that is not the way to operate in the world.
Look, I don’t profess to be the guru of relationships. Far from it. I’m guilty of having done everything I said above, but the fact that I recognize what those things are and do something about it makes the possibility of a non-complicated relationship real. I sincerely believe it is possible to have two people communicate and interact with each other in such a way that minimizes these things. Why have something with all the drama and confusion and issues, when it can be straightforward, simple and honest?
Dunno about you, but I’ll take what’s behind curtain number 2.