Thoughts on Infidelity

When I think of infidelity, I guess I consider myself lucky that it hasn’t often happened to me. For some of my exes, I suspected they were not on the level with me but I never had conclusive proof of the dirty deed. The only evidence that shows it face is emotional distance. It makes me wonder in truth how many of them were stringing other lovers on the side, then estranging themselves from our relationship. It could be many, one or none. I will never know. And, no it doesn’t matter in a past context… but it does for the present. How much trust am I willing to place in any man at this point in my life? The romantic in me demands I give trust in order to receive it, but it is not without some level of apprehension. In any of this, there is the possibility of emotional pain, but there is also joy to be had. I know there is. When you are lied to, deceived by someone in your closest of circles, it makes you think twice. Then my cynical and scorned bitch arrives with a vengeance.

How some women do it, I will never understand. I almost feel at this point in my life, if I found myself on the receiving end of infidelity, I would simply accept it for what it is and just leave. There would be no surprise because I know that’s how some men are. That’s how some women are, for that matter. And frankly, why should I waste my time?

If you’re not happy anymore and it’s not a situation where you are married or have kids involved, why make yourself crazy? Just GO. That’s just disrespectful. But if there are other factors, you’ve got to think twice, probably three times. I know plenty of women that are single moms, doing their best to deal with dads that are only part-time. Big reasons why they aren’t together has to do with infidelity.

Some say humans aren’t meant to live in monogamous relationships, that nature is strong enough to override our good sense of loyalty and responsibility. I can’t completely buy it; some are like that, self-professed in fact. Most don’t even realize it until (or if) they ponder why their string of relationships seems to end in them cheating.

So hence my apprehension in general. I wish I had a more positive note to end this confessional, but it is what it is. You just don’t know some people when it comes down to it…

Tags | cheating, infidelity

There’s Gonna Be Some Changes…

Ever since I started this site last year, it had evolved into something a little more than just a vehicle for my writing and has expanded into an arena for my thoughts on relationships, men, women and everything in between. I never profess to being a psychologist or relationship expert; all of these things are based on my personal experience and what I have either read or personally observed from others. If you the reader are able to gleam some insight into these matters, then I am forever thankful that I created this.

So, as the subject states, there’s gonna be some changes. I’m changing the layout of this site — it has become clear that this format isn’t exactly optimal for reading all the appropriate things, so I’m going to find a better way to organize things so that it is more intuitive for reading. Next, I’m going to have a few non-intrusive ads. Hey, I’ve gotta make this site pay for itself. Next, I’m going to continue posting stories, BUT with my novel near completion, I believe some of the story posting is going to be more scheduled than anything else. I’ve been toying with the idea of a bi-monthly release of story, something specific to the site and more ongoing than anything else. I’ll try it out — I’m relying on you guys to give me some feedback for how that seems to work.

As always, you can follow me on Twitter @mimattoko (where it’s NEVER safe for work *wink*) for the latest and greatest. I can be up and I can be down, but you can always count on me being around. (That rhymes! I amuse myself so.)

Thanks for all of your continued support. Don’t forget to share the love and tell a friend!

And I’m on Facebook too!

Ciao, lovelies. ~Mima~

Tags | website

The Changing Same

Those of you that are familiar with Japanese R&B may recall the title of this post is from one of Ken Hirai’s albums. It seemed am appropriate moniker for what I’m about to discuss here.

As you know, I constantly talk about relationships and the dynamic between men and women. There comes a point in any relationship – committed or no – when something changes. Most of the time you are familiar with what that is. It could be falling in love, falling out of love, wanting to get married, or even have a baby. Something changes your desires or needs. Why do we females tend to not speak up and make these wants known? What holds us back, makes our breath catch in our throats?

Fear. So powerful an emotion that it can either help or hurt us.

I’ve been in this position many times, and often I waited until it was too late to say something. Women are inherently intuitive, almost psychic sometimes, but they don’t trust their first instincts. I’m guilty of this too.

However, men are quite simple when it comes to these matters and operate with little subterfuge. Whatever they don’t say is always for a specific reason.

Hence, the “changing same”: when things are different, but one doesn’t say or discuss that change. You continue on as normal, but really, in the background, things are different somehow. This syndrome is symptomatic of many a relationship. It can be a relationship killer for that matter.

Taking a risk on relationship means facing the possibility of rejection, of that dreaded “no”. It is also an opportunity for a “yes”. You simply don’t know. At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself and your feelings. Do you really believe in what you want, in that thing that has changed? Then stand by it and face the risk head on. Your self-worth does not hinge upon that answer, but if you don’t get it out into the open, you will eventually pop.

Don’t let things get to that point. Stay true to yourself and your heart.

Tags | change, relationship

The Anti-Valentine’s Day Club

Don’t start by calling me a hater on romance. I’m romance’s biggest fan! I strongly believe that romance should be a daily part of who you are in your relationship with a significant other. It is for this reason that I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. The inherent problem I have is twofold:

1) The fact that Valentine’s Day is glorified as the day of romance, the one major time in the year (other than a birthday or anniversary) where you are required to do something special, AND

2) Valentine’s Day excludes the many millions of single people out there! What, are they not deserving of romance or love? Frankly, who wants to see “luvvy duvvy” people running around while you’re SINGLE?

Let’s see Valentine’s Day for what it really is: a capitalist driven machine invented for people to spend spend spend. Suddenly, everything is 3 times the regular price as Valentine’s Day approaches. I’ve said it for years and I’ll say it again:

If you’re not loving your significant other on a daily basis, do you REALLY think Valentine’s Day is going to make a difference? If you have no sense of gratitude for that person being a part of your life, one day will not change that sentiment. We are missing the bigger point.

Now let’s talk about being single on Valentine’s Day. It sucks. Let’s just call it what it is. Walking around in the street, you see couples arm in arm, doing the kissy face thing; it is a little depressing, no? We all long to spend time with another person, to share our lives and create a deeper relationship. In a time where it seems like all the good men are either taken (married, shacked up or whatever) OR swimming in cynicism (thanks to trifling heifers that make it harder for good women), it’s a tough pill to swallow. You want to be in that kind of relationship — hell, I want to be like that!

So I hereby pledge to be a permanent part of the Anti-Valentine’s Day Club. I will not subscribe to the consumerism involved with the day in any way, shape or form. It will be just another day: February 14th. If I have a significant other at the time, we will not observe the holiday. Our relationship will be one of ongoing mutual respect, giving and loving, not influenced by the dictates of society (i.e., buy me $100 roses -_-). If I am single, I will not observe the holiday from the other end of the spectrum. My search for someone that is worthy of me does not stop on February 14th and I will not be suckered into hating on those in loving relationships because of the day. That’s hypocritical — don’t front. You know that’s what you want too. I don’t think anyone truly hates love… even after a rough breakup.

Who’s with me?